To my Ex....?

So, I've kinda accidentally avoided this one. Not because of painful memories. But, to be blunt, I don't know who to write this to.

My current partner is really also my first real relationship. Which after 8 years feels a little odd to say. But previous to him... well, I had a couple of online relationships (not that I'm dissing them, my partner and I met and maintained our relationship online for a long while). But neither of them, in retrospect, were real relationships. One was with a man much older than I, who I felt a non-physical attraction to. He didn't exactly break my heart, as I sort of split with him after growing apart, and afterwards discovered he couldn't have been that in to me considering less than a month later he was engaged to a younger prettier model. I was more annoyed than hurt. I had just started University and if he had wanted clear of me then I wish he had done it earlier so I could have been a little more adventurous for my freshers week (even if, knowing me, it would have led to nothing).

The other did break my heart at the time, in a way. It is complicated to explain. At the time I was very lonely and stressed. It was during the University holidays and what I didn't know at the time was that I was battling with depression. I was visiting role play forums at the time, and got chatting to this woman. She was married to an abusive and neglectful husband. Over about a month I got really close to them, until they had to go away suddenly because of her partner. On her return I learned the truth. She was a he. Just someone who was role playing and realised too late that I wasn't. I was hurt yes. But I wasn't angry. I could see the confusion. And whilst I wish they had told me sooner, as they explained I understood. They were in a loving relationship with their wife, and had been just having some fun, assuming I was doing the same until I suggested swapping photos. Then he started to realise I wasn't role playing. This was a little like a holiday romance. And by the time I went to University once more the drama had ended and the tears had dried. It was almost more like a childish crush.

Previous to any of those, the only other boyfriend I could maybe lay claim to was when I was about 6 years old. And whilst in later years I missed many of my childhood friends due to the problems I was going through, that was more of a dream than anything else.

So really, I have no one to write to other than whomever chooses to read this gibberish. I don't feel anything has been left unsaid to anyone in regards to my past love life. And if any of them read this and if anyone considers them part of my love life but don't recognise themselves in this, well, I am sorry. But at the same time I hope you are happy and loved.

xxx