To a stranger

This feels like one of the oddest letters to try and write, To write to a stranger, that is the only information I am given. So, what do I say?

I don't feel this should be written to someone I actually know of, whether a celebrity or someone who works in a local shop. Instead, I feel like it should be someone I don't know at all, as if someone has just picked this up in the street. So perhaps then, if I do not know them, and they do not know me, I should start by introducing myself.

My name is Rebecca, with the powers of the internet I suspect more could be found out about me just with this and the information that follows, but still, I won't give my full name. Besides, that seems too formal. Although I go by Rebecca and generally put off people shorting my name, two people have gotten away with giving me nicknames - Rebel and Rebecikins. Or something to that affect. And no, it's not my longterm bf that dares call me that but a friend far enough away to escape my wrath. Most of the time at least.

I live on the south coast of England, and have done for the majority of my life, the only exception being my University years. Whilst like a typical Englishman I moan about the weather and all the woes of England, I do like it. I live in a town which whilst urban, is close enough to the rural life that I feel I can catch my breath. I love nature, and the beauty of England doesn't escape me.

I don't drive, despite being in my 30's. I also don't own my own property, and at the moment at least live rent free. I can't help but feel spoilt and cared for, and I know I've let myself get some bad habits because of it. I want my own home in the future, but it's harder than it seems.

I live in debt despite this. A mixture of leaving Uni with some debt and just out of control spending has put me in this situation. Whilst I'm not well paid, my lack of expenditures should have made it possible for me to do better than I have. At the same time, many many people are in worst debt than myself, and mine is currently under control and I am fighting my own urges so I can improve.

Although I live in pain, I know many who suffer worse than I do. At the moment I am waiting for a lump removal from my shoulder, and carpal tunnel operations on both wrists. My fingers constantly ache and feel stiff at times, and I'm not fully convinced it's just carpal tunnel. But at the moment it's wait and see. I have a habitual cough which sounds a little like a smokers cough, although it's a habit I have never picked up. Instead my throat has been damaged by years of chest and throat infections. It bugs me, especially in the winter, but over the years I've kind of gotten used to it.

I suffer from acute stress and depression as well. Unfortunately there is a lack of mental health care in my area for my level of depression, so I tend to live on tablets. I wish I didn't, and I have had counselling in the past but found neither really helped. Whilst I don't want to be on tablets for ever, at the moment I'm at a loss as to what to do. Thankfully my partner is very supportive, even during my worst mood swings.

I could talk so much about myself. But my hands won't allow me to type forever. However, I want to say this. I know I am lucky, even if I struggle to see it sometimes. I have a roof over my head, family and friends who love me, and three meals a day. There are a lot of people far worse off than me. But there is always hope. I hope you, like myself, are privileged. If not, I hope you can find the help and support you need. Some people find it in faith or religion, some in their loved ones. However you find your hope and light, don't let people dissuade you from it.

May your feet always find fertile lands, and your heart always find love.

Rebecca, a stranger. xxx